Bleach Fan Fiction Wiki talk:Right to Powerful Characters Qualification Exam
|altbackcolor=#FFFFFF; |textcolor=#FFFFFF |alttextcolor=#0000FF |height=2.2 |maxwidth=20 |tab1=Applications in Progress |tab2=Passed Applications }} Note: Please pay heed to the passed applications located at the tab above this note for examples how you should present your character for the committee to review. Since all applications must be responded first and foremost by me, as I will use that chance to tell you which committee members will be the ones reviewing your character (since we may or may not need to replace and/or add back-ups to the committee), and from there, the committee can then begin grading your characters. Despite the exam's rules not starting until Friday, you are allowed to submit your character early if it is ready. Please remember... to sign all of your posts! --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 01:23, July 4, 2014 (UTC) :Additional Note: If you have failed your application and haven't reapplied in over a month, your old records below may be deleted in order to maintain housekeeping on this talk page and to reduce clutter. If there were notes on the application that you need in order to retake the assessment, please ask me personally to retrieve the information and I will post it directly to your message wall. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 14:31, September 5, 2014 (UTC) User: Kobaruon Rōkurō Yamanosuke Kobaruon 07:47, July 8, 2014 (UTC) :Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion User:Silver-Haired Seireitou Assessment :I'm afraid I have to make this short, since I'm working on an assignment at the moment for my summer class, so I will rely on the other members of the committee to further explain how your article is. His Appearance section is pretty basic, his Personality section looks rather a-okay, and his History section appears to also be in order. His slew of abilities are all rather balanced and seem to all make sense for a person of the sixth seat, except... "Despite being a mere Sixth Seat, Rōkurō has demonstrated power equivalent to that of a Lieutenant level Shinigami." In case you didn't read the rules, you are supposed to make a character of fourth seat level power or below, not just in rank. Otherwise the entire point of this exam is meaningless. So I can't pass you for this until that aspect is changed. Furthermore, the other issue I have with Rokuro is his Zanpakuto, in that I think you are trying way too hard. Zanpakuto, and Shinigami for that matter, are meant to purify Hollows and allow other souls passage to Soul Society through Konso before they turn into Hollows. The entire nature of his Zanpakuto is completely contradictory for this basic principle, and quite honestly, I would advise you to choose a more fitting ability for a Zanpakuto that is being held by a Shinigami officer of the Gotei 13, since... I'm pretty sure Central 46 would throw his ass into the maggot's nest if he carried an ability like that. It just doesn't make sense for an officer to be allowed to carry a weapon with such an ability. But to be honest, my main issue that has to be corrected is the entire "lieutenant level in power" thing. Total Points: 70/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 04:58, July 22, 2014 (UTC) User:Zf6hellion's Assessment: *'Appearance': It serves its purpose but levying my usual complaint, there's not much detail going into the character's appearance besides the clothing. No unique characteristics, and no defining of his face or physical make up. Describing the Shinigami uniform is also somewhat pointless, why do I need to know these details when the character isn't wearing it? **'Points': 7/10 *'Personality': Looks fine enough, though it could use some clarity on his lack of use of honourifics, assuming he's imitating Japanese nobles, would he not use honourifics in the presence of those above him in rank and just in general around those he's imitating? If not, surely there's some reaction from those other nobles as he is technically disrespecting them. Further, I don't think nobility in Soul Society would be considered improper on a battlefield, given the number of nobles among the ranks of the Gotei 13. The last paragraph felt a little strange as I read it and could use some expansion with regards to what he does with these feelings, you state that he's inexperienced with them but that doesn't give us any idea on what happens whilst he goes through them. Does he become aggressive? Erratic? Anything? **'Points': 17/25 *'History': The history is a little iffy. Its generally fine at first, and then it suddenly switches tenses in the second paragraph. Taking this bit by bit, I gotta say, from what there is of (And there is very little), he doesn't seem like he'd let someone in purely because of a bribe so it feels like a canon name drop for the sake of one. If he'd refuse despite being a top student, I believe he'd tell Rōkurō's pa to shove it too. The Shinō Academy is a six year term, why hasn't he been kicked out during that year he takes to train with Jinpachi? And, the whole thing gets detailed (Becoming a play-by-play of events even) later on, but brushes over the death of Rōkurō's closest friend without so much as a mention of what happened beyond it being a mission. There's a lack of any mentioning of his attainment of Shikai, which, would be required in directly applying for a Seated Officer position (As Shikai is a prerequisite of the role). Also, an article is from an OOC perspective, while Rōkurō wouldn't know Yamamoto's reasoning, you should, and even if he doesn't disclose it to him, that reasoning should be included otherwise it feels like your just making shit up. **'Points': 14/20 *'Powers & Abilities': Yeah... You're supposed to be comparable to a Fourth Seat Shinigami, so the Great Spiritual Power is an immediate no. I'm also taking issue with the Gaishishō. Since when was it decided that illusions are not Reiryoku-based? Give me a page of the manga citing this or GTFO, pal. I've never heard of this, and as far as I see it illusions are as much Reiryoku as fire balls are (In case you try arguing that its Reiatsu... Reiatsu is Reiryoku exerted as a physical force). Also Souls and Shinigami are made of (And in the Human World), they generate Reiryoku from within to varying degrees. That out of the way, his ability wouldn't impede all illusions, as the mechanics of how they work are defined one a case-by-case basis depending on a particular wielder's ability that and... a Fourth Seat being immune to anything entirely seems a tad OP. The rest is fine up until the Zanpakutō, while I believe its possible to end up with one with such an ability (Just as revolved around manipulating Zanpakutō Spirits) I have to agree with Sei here in that he'd very likely be locked up in the Central 46 Underground Prison or the Nest of Maggots, his weapon has the ability to Hollowfy other beings which is flat out illegal in Soul Society, the fact that his weapon is a prime way to ruin other Shinigami just makes him dangerous and a liability. **'Points': 20/30 *'Grammar': There's a few mistakes here and there, aside from the sudden tense change in the history section though its nothing to write home about. **'Points': 14/15 Total Points: 72/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 19:36, July 25, 2014 (UTC) Kobaruon: Second Attempt Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until August 23, 2014, next Saturday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. Zf6hellion (talk) 15:48, August 16, 2014 (UTC) Nixie the Bloody Pixie Saki Nixie the Bloody Pixie (talk) 21:31, July 16, 2014 (UTC) :Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion User:Silver-Haired Seireitou Assessment :I'm afraid I have to make this short, since I'm working on an assignment at the moment for my summer class, so I will rely on the other members of the committee to further explain how your article is. I'll be blunt here, I think you are making way too many unnecessary connections to primary main characters like Ichigo and Aizen, and this is a trap many people fall into when writing fanon works, which present the danger of eventually turning into Mary Sues. Her equipment section isn't part of the exam's grading, so I am going to leave it out. However, in doing so, you put far too much effort into a section like equipment, and did very little on the actual powers and abilities section, which should undoubtedly have more content there. You have brief one-two sentences for each thing listed there, and nothing much else. Furthermore, these "holy arrows" and a good chunk of her history is giving me a very bad Inuyasha vibe and that. is. not. good. At all. My advice is to go back and rework the entire powers and abilities section. Broaden them out more. Capitalize on her main strengths, explain why they are her primary strengths and how she developed them, and furthermore, touch upon where she still needs to improve and what skills she possesses that still require more work. Total Points: 65/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 05:08, July 22, 2014 (UTC) User:Zf6hellion's Assessment: *'Appearance': There's a lot of content here, but it ultimately doesn't tell me what Saki looks like, its far more focused on what she wears which is only part of her appearance. I want to see detail regarding her face, her body, how she actually looks regardless of her articles of clothing. The size of her nose, the shape of it, is the bridge pronounced and so on. It is not a difficult thing to achieve, just don't use anime images as a template for character design. Other than that, I feel it could use a lot more sectioning off, the initial paragraph should describe Saki as she is currently. Her physical appearance then that of what she currently wears, a second paragraph can describe what she looked like as a child and a third can detail her appearance in Gehenna. **'Points': 6/10 *'Personality': Oh boy, right off the bat, we need more paragraphs please, the second paragraph is a more easily digestable size and the first one should be chopped up similiarly to make it easier to read. Much of the first paragraph is... odd. It uses specific examples to describe traits that just sort of appear, you should be using specific examples to showcase how she acts all times, not just being mysterious and vague to one person on one occassion. That's not an example of how one usually acts, that's uncharacteristic. Also, do not say she has PTSD, seperation anxiety and anxiety disorder if all you're going to do is gloss over them. These are serious mental issues that would dominate a lot of the things a person does, especially with several of 'em. Explain how they appeared and how they effect her, don't just give us some simpering crap like "Oh she has these, but she's curing them with friendship!". Her being isolated by the clan feels more like a historical tidbit as it explains nothing about how she acts, maybe expand it to explain what she does as a result of this, or how it affects her beyond earning a monicker? Annnnd why is she called a pacifist if she fights, that makes no sense. I don't see anything that states she's a proponent of the ideal and just fell down the wayside at some point so it seems a tad daft as a nickname. **'Points': 17/25 *'History': That first paragraph is a bit of a mess. At first there's an old village then the new village (Should be a new village, but the transition from one to the other just comes out of nowhere). Then there's the whole bit about being lied to about coming to the world. There's no explanation for any of this, which just makes it confusing. Its a History section, one that shouldn't be dealt with from Saki's own perspective outside of her relation to events. Giving us details on her moving from one village to the next is not a bad thing, nor is explaining why her mother brought her to the Human World. Uh... Why was Kakyoku given this duty? It makes no sense, Shinigami are not caretakers for children. You die, they perform Konsō, you traverse the Dangai and appear in Soul Society, you are assigned a ticket that says where you're going to live out the rest of your days until you die a second time (And then reincarnate in the Human World as someone new), your age is not a factor in this and Shinigami do not have the responsibility of looking after you. Further what happens in the ten years that Kakyoku is gone? Wouldn't she change then if she's so attached to people? There's no mention of them keeping in contact until Kakyoku sends word that she got promoted. **'Points': 15/20 *'Powers & Abilities': A lot of her "Demonic" abilities simply seem like ordinary Bleach-like stuff with a new coat of paint. Hiō is basically a Zanpakutō, her demonic self is basically an Inner Hollow, it comes across is extremely uninspired as it presents nothing really different just words and names applied to the usual theatrics. There's also a lack of mentioning on her Spiritual Power/Reiryoku. All beings have this, even Humans, and if she's supposedly powerful then she'd have to have some quantity of it. **'Points': 23/30 *'Grammar': Its largely fine, there's a few mistakes here and there and some bits become a tad disjointed especially in the history and personality sections. **'Points': 13/15 Total Points: 74/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 15:30, August 16, 2014 (UTC) Nixie the Bloody Pixie: Second Attempt Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until August 23, 2014, next Saturday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. Zf6hellion (talk) 15:30, August 16, 2014 (UTC) User:Achrones150 Shigure Kuroda --Achrones150 18:35, August 7, 2014 (UTC) :Page does not meet minimum length of 25,000 bytes. Please revise. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 14:31, September 5, 2014 (UTC) User:Somnium Fluxus Silvio da Parma. Admittedly I ended up rushing this one quite a bit, but I suppose it'll have to do for now. Somnium Fluxus (talk) 10:22, November 16, 2014 (UTC) User:Silver-Haired Seireitou — Alright, it's been a while since I've done a part-by-part evaluation but I suppose if I didn't when I have time, then there'd be no point to the points system. Appearance: Sufficiently done, if not a little too... fluffy. While it's not a bad thing, I sometimes have this iffy feeling when people make statements like "handsome man who stood out" and "has eyes of such extraordinary strength". I mean, I guess some people like it, and others don't. But overall, this section is done well. *'Points:' 10/10 Personality While there are some cliches present here, what is the impressive (and arguably more important) part here is that it thoroughly goes into the character's personality. It's rare to see people write up how certain people influenced their personality and why it is that they are this way, so that is good too. *'Points:' 23/25 History: I have no comments. This one was done very very nicely. I think the last one that impressed me this much was Z's application for the RPCQE, I don't remember fully. *'Points:' 20/20 Powers & Abilities: I would've liked to see more details here though, more specifically toward the guy's potential for growth and what aspects of his abilities he focuses on more so, what he quite possible isn't too good with; these are all details I like to see the most during these assessments. *'Points:' 22/30 Grammar: No complaints. *'Points:' 15/15 Total Points: 90/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 01:04, November 17, 2014 (UTC) User:DazzlingEmerald Rikuri Suigyoku. I want you guys to be honest, because I'm here to improve my writing. If it sucks, lol, then please tell me. I don't get offended, contrary to belief, and like I said, I'm just here to improve. Oh, and thanks for the evaluation.DazzlingEmerald (talk) 22:04, November 16, 2014 (UTC) User:Silver-Haired Seireitou — You thought I wouldn't know where those images come from. Oh, I know. Very much so. Appearance: Now, I'm one of the ones on BFF that makes some of the most busty female characters, so I definitely wouldn't condemn a fellow breast enthusiast. That being said, however, as a writer, I feel like you made it far too focused on that aspect of her body (it's one of the three paragraphs, focused entirely on her breasts). Not necessarily a bad thing, but you have to balance that amount of detail for her chest with the same amount of detail for all other aspects of her body and appearance. You mention a "top model physique", but she, as an officer in the Gotei 13, should have more of a combative figure, which is what you should focus on more so than her beauty. *'Points:' 8/10 Personality There is a good amount of information here about her personality, but the one issue I find personally is that it reads too much like a list. A personality, much like a history section, should read (in my opinion anyways) like a story. It should flow from one aspect to another aspect, describing reasons why she is like this way and how she became this way and why she does things in such a way, and so on. It is important for this section to flow naturally. But it's still rather well-written and lengthy too. Furthermore, given how rough her life has been, you'd think she'd also have more characteristic aspects to her personality, such as flinching to a man's touch (due to her history of being raped) or would have had a more combative and untrusting demeanor as well (since she had a past as a slave and such). *'Points:' 21/25 History: What I love most about this section is the amount of detail put into her past lives, which follows the concept of Bleach's circle of reincarnation. However, what is inconsistent here is that, she would not have remembered her life as a Hollow after being purified. She wasn't given the "Konsō", which is a ritual done with the sword's hilt, but sliced down and purified, ridding her of the sins she committed as a Hollow, which would also wash over her memories. *'Points:' 17/20 Powers & Abilities: Now here... eh... Simply put, you need a lot more. Like, a huge lot, compared to what the other sections had. While the Zanpakutō is fine, her basic powers and abilities leave a lot to be desired. One of the main things being that you mention her preferred method of combat is hand-to-hand, meaning I would've liked to see parallels made to her history (how did she end up preferring this style? why did she? what aspects does she need to work on still? et cetera). The rest is rather bare. *'Points:' 15/30 Grammar: No complaints on grammar. However, I feel like you overused the kanji and rōmaji here. In fact, if you didn't use as many as you did, which a majority were unnecessary (like all the ones in her history section), I dunno if the article would've still made it all the way to the minimum byte count. You should avoid using too much kanji when it isn't necessary. It also makes the article look a bit too gaudy. *'Points:' 14/15 Total Points: 75/100 You passed, but only barely. 75 is the bare minimum needed to pass, meaning you should take the above comments to heart and try to work with them as best as you can. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 01:24, November 17, 2014 (UTC) User:Njalm2 Shigenaga Arma - Applying via the RPCQE-AA. --Njalm (talk) 16:03, November 20, 2014 (UTC) User:Primarch11 Richter Hubert Applying via RPCQE-AA User:Primarch11 19:50, November 22, 2014 (UTC)]]